Internet dating has become a popular way of meeting new people and as I met my hubby to be on line, I often get asked about my views and experiences of it, so let's talk on line dating!

Personal Values

I believe there is a powerful connection between our personal values and what enters our life. So, I got very clear about my values and what was important for me in a partner. When I communicated on line, I lived those values. For example, honesty and communication are important values to me. Therefore, when I was on line, I was not tempted to lie in my profile or in my responses. I made an effort to be communicative and not be elusive in my emails. This did not mean I lacked being safe in what I shared. Living my values helped me weed out dishonest types and those who were not communicative or engaging.

Scammers & Self Esteem

I bet you are wondering what the correlation is? Well all scammers will try and charm you in order to win your trust and take your money. Some are highly skilled at winning the love and trust of the lonely, shy or isolated. If your self-esteem is low, you are more likely to be vulnerable to these prowlers, so be in a good place before you try on line dating. I had no problems reporting those who I thought were scammers and I listened to my gut reactions, which kept me safe. If I had been in a different place I might not have been so assertive.

Obvious scammers are those whose physical descriptions do not match their photos or their photos look like they have come straight our of a fashion magazine. Many have a poor command of the English language. Any Google search on scammers and Internet dating will reward you with some useful tips, so do you research.

There are other things you can do to make online dating safe. First, don’t be quick to give someone your email address until you have communicated on the site for a period of time. Most sites have their own instant messengers, so make use of them too and set up a separate email account for all off line communication. If a contact gets pushy and insistent, challenge them on it because if they are genuine they will understand your need to take precautions and hopefully be doing the same thing too!

Adjust Expectations

One minute you are emailing someone and next moment it is like they dropped off the face of the earth. They may have closed their account or you find out they are still highly active on the dating site but just not with you. There is something about dating sites and driving cars that cause people to forget common courtesies, so don’t take their behaviour personal!

It can be off putting to send an email to someone you are interested and not receive a reply. Some people will write and say ‘thank you but no thank you’ but more often than not, silence means no. I decided that I would behave how I wanted to be treated so most times I did write ‘a thank you but no thank you’ response. I was amazed by how many times I received an email of appreciation for doing that!

It can often seem a surprise that high membership numbers doesn’t automatically equate to lots of matches. Feelings of rejection can run high, a lack of responses can create discouragement and the curiosity of wondering whether you got an email can be addictive. For these reasons, it is important that you stay plugged into the rest of your life and don’t put all your hopes and expectations into meeting someone on line. It is a way not the only way.

I know some people who set up a profile, look around and take it off again with the excuse they did not see anyone good looking enough or they didn’t like the profiles they read. So, another tip would be to stay open to timings. I have read many success stories of people who met their mate after a few hours of joining a dating site and others who had been patiently waiting for years, some as long as ten! My finance spent two days on line before meeting me and yet I had tried dating sites on and off for about seven years!

I recommend that if you are serious about meeting someone, to take out a three-month membership and take your time looking. The law of averages predicts that you will eventually spot someone you would like to contact. So don’t be too hasty, give the site a chance. Sometimes we have to run with patience and put in effort to get the results we want.

Shop Around

My last tip for today would be to choose a reputable dating site that offers transparency as well as security. Do your research and remember what site worked for your friend might not work for you. Not all dating sites are equal and each has its unique selling point.
 
More next week!