Donna Intera
Dating and Relationship Support & Advice for Women
Personal Coach & Trainer - Joanne Robinson
Join Newsletter & Receive Free E course!
You Can Change Your Love Life!
Tips On Resolving Arguments
Listen
In a heated discussion, we want to have our say and be heard but if we don’t listen to each other’s complaints, ask questions and give the other person time to be heard, it will be difficult to get to the heart of what the real issue is.
Reflect
Take time to say that you hear and understand the other person’s point of view. The talker often doesn’t feel listened to simply because the listener has not stated a simple, ‘yes, I understand’ or ‘so you feel angry when I come home late’. Reflecting back what you hear and understand can help defuse anger and frustration.
Stay Present
Often times, past issues are raised because they have not been resolved or are being used as a weapon. Stay on topic and make a point of requesting the other person’s does so too.
Own your feelings
Sometimes we point fingers, or we transfer our feelings and requests on to the other. For example, we may say ‘you make me feel upset’ or ‘its best if you go without me. Be assertive, own your feelings and own what you need. ‘I feel upset when you don’t follow through on your promises’ or ‘I would prefer to be on my own’. This helps your listener understand what you want and need, which is part of resolving conflict.
Admit when you are wrong
By being a good listener, you will understand the other person’s point of view and you might discover that they are right. You could say, “You’re absolutely right, it is my fault and here is what I’ll do to fix it.” Even if you’re NOT wrong, at least give them the benefit of the doubt, “I may be wrong, let’s look at the facts together.”
Remain Calm
An angry person may want to provoke you but learn to dodge the arrows by remaining calm. Walk away if necessary and state that you are happy to continue sorting out the issue once they stop attacking you.
If it turns verbally abusive
Put a stop to it straight away. Be firm and calm and state that though they are really angry right now, you will are going to leave the room and will be happy to resolve the issue once the abuse has stopped.
Does My Complaint Count?
Women with low self esteem tend to doubt their feelings and whether they have any rights to show their anger or disapproval. They blame themselves for how the other person is responding or they excuse it.
They often have a tendency to wait on the other person to treat them differently and beat themselves up when he or she doesn’t behave the way they want them to.
To break this, they need work on building up their worth and accept that they have an equal value to others. Their voice counts and they have every right to exercise boundaries and let other’s know when they hurting or not liking how they are being treated.
You are viewing the text version of this site.
To view the full version please install the Adobe Flash Player and ensure your web browser has JavaScript enabled.
Need help? check the requirements page.
